Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
