My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
