His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
