you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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