I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
