I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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