Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
