All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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