Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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