Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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