i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
