Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
