Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
