careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
