Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
