i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
