Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
