Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
