This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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