i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
