if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
