Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
