before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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