miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I could fuck to npr.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
