And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
