But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
