i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ketchup is God's man juice
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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