had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
