she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
