I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So vagazzling was a success
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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