My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
