I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
