i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
