AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
