Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
