he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
