I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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