we have pet lesbian snakes
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
i've created a new STD.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
