whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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