he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
