you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the condom got lost in my hair
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
