She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
