meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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