The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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