You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
