i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
