Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
