You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
