The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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