at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
