I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
