just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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