I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Two words: nipple clamps
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