Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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