this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The power of my boobs compel you
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
